Beautiful WILD Friendship – Part 2

Shalom, Shalom, Sisters!

How have you been?

Thank you for engaging with the first edition of our Beautiful WILD Friendships. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you waiting for? Do catch up already with this link.

Today, I’m back with a fresh and sizzling edition; the second part in our three part beautiful WILD Friendship series.
Like everything in The WILD, it only gets better. So today, we have our very own V.Caps, Baba Toyin Funsho, on the spotlight with her WILD friend, Ibukunoluwa Okeke.

If you haven’t done so yet, you may want to grab your journal and pen, then sit comfortably as we savor and learn from their inspiring friendship.

Ready?

Let’s get started!

VERA: Shalom V.Caps! Shalom, Ibukunoluwa! Can you tell us about yourself? Your name, location, and occupation? We’d love to know you better.

TOYIN: My name is Baba Toyin Funsho. I am based in Lagos. A wife and mother of two amazing boys. And I am an entrepreneur.

IBUKUNOLUWA: I am Ibukunoluwa Okeke. I am based in Lagos and I am a Domestic Queen, currently living life as a vessel unto God, making Bible Study videos for my YouTube channel

VERA: Can you beat this combo! A YouTuber and an Entrepreneur, yet finding time to shoot their shot every single day.
How would you define “friendship,” and how important is friendship to you?

TOYIN: Friendship is very important to me. I believe friends or friendship should be nurtured and cherished.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Friendship for me is a bond you share with someone or people, having a mutual understanding with one another to share each other’s burden, aiming for the growth and fulfillment of one another.
A friend is key to a fulfilled and successful life. Like Coach E says, you can’t do life alone.

VERA: We can’t do life alone; I know like the back of my hand, that I don’t want to do that either. But in finding a friend, we definitely have to look out for those interested in our growth.
Could you share how you both became friends? What attracted you to each other, who initiated the friendship, and how long have you been friends?

TOYIN: We met when we were still courting our husbands. (Both of our husband are friends and colleagues at work). And we were both planning to get married. So, I will say the friendship started out as a “soon to be brides”. Not so deep though, but we kept in touch. She got married before me. And definitely attended my own wedding. Then we both got pregnant around the same time for our first child. (Our sons are one month apart). So, somehow, we shared some information with each other on motherhood, being a new wife and mom. We have been friends for close to 9 years now.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Well, our husbands were work colleagues and roommates at the time we met, now more like family friends. So, we met on our individual visit to our then fiancés, and we clicked. We were introduced, I took one look at her, saw her smile and felt, why not go for it, you could be friends with her. I think I initiated the friendship because on the first day we met, I convinced her to go to Eko Idumota with me .
We have been friends for 8 years or more, if I am not wrong.

VERA: Solid 8 years and counting! God is good! You’ve made our WILD friendship slang, ‘a one stop shop for life and life’ even more real. I can only begin to imagine how sweet projecting into the future looks for you sisters.
Tell me, at the beginning of your friendship, were you open to trusting each other? How have you managed to build and maintain trust over time?

TOYIN: No, we weren’t at first. For me, I was being careful. I didn’t see what we had then as friendship (wrong mindset). I just assumed because we were both new wives, so definitely we’d have things to gist about.
But over time, I realised it’s actually pure friendship for us even though we didn’t define it. I share with her freely and she does likewise, and I haven’t had reason to doubt her.

IBUKUNOLUWA: I guess I was really open to feeling trust with her o, like I didn’t hold back in the beginning of our friendship. I think for me, trust just happens. I don’t even put in the effort with Funsho, it just flows.

VERA: I get that mixed feelings of being sure and then not. I’m happy that you both gave your friendship the benefit of doubt. Haha, the gisting as new wives would have been so helpful in navigating through the initial phase of married life. God is Wise!
Considering factors like time, distance, career, marriage and motherhood, how do you maintain your friendship and effectively communicate and meet each other’s needs? Please share practical steps.

TOYIN: The truth is, we don’t see often but the times we get to see each other, we catch up from where we left off. We try to check up on each other when we can. We call mostly and other times, send chats.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Well, we communicate through texts, calls and surprisingly, spiritually we connect. Okay, let’s get serious. If I really like someone, I naturally open up. I tend to ask people I care about what their needs might be and for Funsho, she opens up if she really needs help or just wants to share with me.

For example, some months ago, I felt a strong inclination to ask how she has been and how her business is doing, even ask if she needed money, because that was what I was getting in my spirit and she told me she needed to pay her shop rent which would soon be due at the time. Though I didn’t have money to give her at the time, I encouraged her and prayed for her on my own. And from there, we talked about other business plans and strategies.

VERA: Yesssss! We want connections on all levels. Like you can super tell when something is off and do some catching; as is always in the business of friendships. Of course, any means of communication chosen is better than none at all.
Does your friendship allow for corrections and sharing hard truths? If so, when was the last time you had such a conversation, and how did you handle it? Have you experienced disagreements or hurt in your friendship? If yes, how did you resolve them?

TOYIN: Yes, it’s does. We correct and share truths with each other. Sometimes, it looks like argument. Especially with kids (then as first-time-moms). Then on things we do individually. The last time we had a deep conversation was sometime around June. Just sitting and hearing each other share. I think our friendship has grown to the level we both understand each other and allow for self-expression. So, for me, if she does something I don’t like, I‘m quick to tell her and we sort it and move on.
We haven’t had any major disagreement or hurt.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Yes o, we correct each other when any of us is wrong. I think she scolded me some months ago.
Yes, we have experienced hurt in this friendship. I think we had a big misunderstanding two years ago when her father-in-law died. At the time she reached out and informed us, I didn’t take out time to visit and surprisingly, I forgot to reach out to her over the phone to know how she was doing, because I guess I was in my zone during that period. So, she was pained and thought I didn’t care; she opened up and we resolved our dispute. Basically being vulnerable.

VERA: Ahhh! I love this sneak peek you just gave, Ibukunoluwa. It is a testament to the fact that Christine Hoover wasn’t mincing words at all when she described friendship as ‘messy, yet beautiful’. There’s just that huge chunk of forgiveness, understanding and patience… I dare say forbearance. Good, godly friendships have it.
After reading the book “Messy Beautiful Friendship,” what valuable lessons did you learn, and how have you applied them to improve your friendship?

TOYIN: That I should allow Jesus be in the centre of the friendship. This helped me stop assuming. Naturally, I assume a lot. Now, I have given my friends the grace and I’ve also learned to understand that there are different seasons to friendship.

IBUKUNOLUWA: I think I’ll say not to be so quick to discard friends and give room for correction and improvement. Basically, value every small bit of friendship. Well, myself and Funsho recently went on a date; guess it was prompted by Messy Beautiful Friendship, and we’re planning on doing that again. She is the busy one, she knows I am very available for fun things

VERA: Awesome, Awesome!

Now, to our fun, trivia questions.

VERA: On a scale of one to ten, with one being poor and ten being excellent, how much fun (goofiness) do you have with your friend? In other words, how much lighter do you feel after spending time together?

TOYIN: Much lighter. Especially since I gained the understanding that we are different and we see things differently. Remember I said I assume a lot? So, most times, I misconceive conversations in my head. Especially if it is something that has to do with opinions. But now, I have learnt to give grace and see things from a different perspective, understanding that I am not perfect either, and that I am a work in progress

IBUKUNOLUWA: I guess 8. I am always happy seeing Funsho, because there would be some gift I’ll get from her, sha.

VERA: The gifts Abba gives to each of his baby girls! How exciting to see an interesting interaction between the gifts of Counsel and Charity. Ohhh yeahhhh! Let it continue till Jesus comes.
On a scale of one to ten, with one being poor and ten being excellent, how would you rate yourself as a friendly person, and how has your friendship ability evolved over the years?

TOYIN: Now, I have grown, and so has my friendship. I don’t do eye service. I show up when I have to. I keep in touch. I don’t expect so much in return, and I take every love I get with joy and gladness. Understanding that we are all in different seasons of our lives and the friendship may not always go as planned. But the day we get to sit, I make the most of it. Enjoying the moment because that is what friendship is about. I want to create a lasting memory with those I call friends. So help me God.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Well, I used to rate myself as a 9, but now, I’ll say 7, I realized some truth about myself which I am currently working on, because I guess marriage, motherhood and life, kinda changed me a bit. Christ is working on me.

VERA: See how refreshingly real you both are! Knowing that nothing is set in stone when it comes to getting better is so top notch. I am so happy for your growth!
What three words best describe what you are most grateful for in your friendship? Also, share one special thing you love doing the most with each other.

TOYIN: Connection. Sisterhood. Freedom (freedom to be me among them). I love when we go out. Just me and them without the kids.

IBUKUNOLUWA: Love For Christ.Gisting, arguing, and planning.

VERA: Goodness me! How perfect the knowledge of self and others work in building freedom in relationships. The entire process gives such a rewarding outcome.
Let’s test your knowledge about your friend! What is her favourite food and colour? Which social media app does she use the most? What’s her favourite bible verse?

TOYIN: Favourite food will be salad and fried rice (that girl doesn’t have a favourite, lol).
Favourite colour will be blue.
App she uses most will be her bible study app.
No verse, but I know she has a crush on Paul. So I will say Corinthians or Acts (No verse).

IBUKUNOLUWA: I have failed in this last one o! I sha know she likes fish pepper soup; I guess she likes brown colour, because I have attacked her on why the walls of her house is brown .
Well, I’ll say Facebook and WhatsApp, because of her business.
Can’t place my hands on her favorite passage at the moment.

VERA: Brother Paul it is hands down. All his letters and epistles are so powerful. So, I can understand her crush; we all need a sit and meet with that dude, sha.
What is your favourite food and colour and your friend’s favourite food and colour?

TOYIN: I honestly don’t have a favourite food. Just give me something good.
Colour will be white or blue.

IBUKUNOLUWA: My favorite food is fried rice, fried fish, and fried plantain.
Don’t have a favorite colour.

VERA: Nothing like a fantastic meal to help us appreciate God’s goodness and vastness. So many healthy varieties to choose from.
We would love your own answer on your most used app and Bible verse.

TOYIN: I use YouTube, then WhatsApp.
Bible verse.
Deuteronomy 31:6 – Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee

IBUKUNOLUWA: WhatsApp and Instagram.
I don’t have a favorite Bible verse

VERA: I know right, choosing a favourite can be downright tasking. They’re all so good. Just pick one and apply.

Toyin and Ibukunoluwa, it has been soooo amazing quizzing and gisting with you both. I’m sending you a bouquet of flowers via WhatsApp… the joys of instant messaging. Hehe. You both really got me pumped up with joy! Thank you so much, sisters.

Now to you, my very own WILD Sisters, it is in our culture to express our gratitude by engaging. Let’s see your comments in the comment section.

Till I come your way again with the final part in this series, don’t forget to cultivate your own beautiful WILD friendships!

Shalom, Shalom!

Vera Dibie,
For the WILD Editorial Team